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Step
right up, step right up, step right up, Everyone's a winner, bargains
galore That's right, you too can be the proud owner Of the quality goes in
before the name goes on One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we
got service after sales You need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an
engagement ring? Something for the little lady, something for the little
lady, Something for the little lady, hmm Three for a dollar We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale And a
smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today Act now, act now, and
receive as our gift, our gift to you They come in all colors, one size
fits all No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business Going out
of business sale Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle
man Don't settle for less How do we do it? how do we do it? volume,
volume, turn up the volume Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
Don't be caught with your drawers down, Don't be caught with your drawers
down You can step right up, step right up That's right, it filets, it
chops, it dices, slices, Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn And
it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school It gets rid of
unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots, It delivers a
pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens And it finds that slipper
that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks And it
plays a mean Rhythm Master, It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your
collar And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step
right up 'Cause it forges your signature If not completely satisfied, mail
back unused portion of product For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by
cheap imitations You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it, Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right And it
entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet Tired of
being the life of the party? Change your shorts, change your life, change
your life Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife, And
it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax Doubles on sax, you can jump back
Jack, see you later alligator See you later alligator And it steals your
car It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking It's a friend,
and it's a companion, And it's the only product you will ever need Follow
these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing Well it takes
weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, Gives you dandruff, and it
finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free take ten
for five exchange, And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a
friend, and it's a companion And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned Well it takes care of
business, never needs winding, Never needs winding, never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis, Christ, you don't
know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy, C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon 'Cause
it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors, It disinfects,
it sanitizes for your protection It gives you an erection, it wins the
election Why put up with painful corns any longer? It's a redeemable
coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home We got a jackpot,
jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed How do we do
it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it We need your
business, we're going out of business We'll give you the business Get on
the business end of our going-out-of-business sale Receive our free
brochure, free brochure Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions,
batteries not included Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
Step right up, step right up, step right up You got it buddy:
the
large print giveth, and the
small print taketh away
sales
pitch courtesy of Mr. Tom Waits |